A Nutjob In Leicester Square

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This is really mental….. I went out with my friends last month for porn actress Jodie Lee’s birthday party in Leicester Square and we met this guy in a bar who words can’t even begin to explain- This dude is about 50, really tall, puts on a fake American accent and tells loads of lies about his life that we all know aren’t true- “Jon” he likes to call himself.

We were just drinking in the bar when this chap came over as he goes to the same clubs as a few of my friends so they kind of know each other, he introduced himself to me with a weird handshale, then opened his mouth and spouted the biggest load of shite I have ever heard- He told me he runs one of the biggest adult entertainment companies in the world, which I know for a fact he doesn’t as I know the guy who actually runs it…. Then he told me he lives with six porn stars so I asked him which ones and two of the ones he said are my close friends who I know live by themselves and another one I know lives with her boyfriend so I told him that and he just shrugged!

It gets WAY better though….. After a couple of hours we all moved on to a nightclub (We got refused entry to one because some fruit loop in our group that we barely even know decided it would be a great idea to wear trainers) Jon randomly appeared at our table holding this big book that looked like it had been superglued together- He opened it and I kid you not- it was full of photos of celebrities that he had really poorly PHOTOSHOPPED HIMSELF INTO!!! It was mental, me and my friends just stood there staring at him…. Then he turned to the end pages and there were photos of really old fashioned looking gangsters, again with him photoshopped into the images!! He told us the gangsters were his family and that he went to Hollywood and met all the celebs….. We just stood there unsure what to say or do as we were so gobsmacked.

There was some writing in the book too that may as well have been scribbled in crayon as it was completely untranslatable. Then he told us he made copies of the book and gave them to his girlfriend and best friends for their birthdays!!! Apparently he also told my friend Andy that he was thinking of getting the book “gold plated”… so in other words he is thinking about pissing on it, which is probably the only thing it is good for to be honest. What a load of bollocks this guy talked.

I have witnessed a lot of mental things on nights out, but this was just the craziest thing I have encountered for a long time….. Keep a look out as Jon’s book will be coming to a 99p store near you, freshly stinking of piss and bullshit!

Here is a photo from Jodie’s birthday, which was actually an amazing night! (I am actually in this picture with the drink- I did not photoshop myself into it)