Out of all the weird things I have seen on the hedgehog Facebook page, this one takes the fucking biscuit! Apparently there is a hedgehog somewhere near Woking, nicknamed “The Big One” who is morbidly obese to the point his “owners” want to send him to therapy because they think he suffered some kind of childhood trauma and is now angrily comfort eating. For some really peculiar reason, their local GP laughed them out of his office, so poor Biggie’s carers decided their only option was to take a slightly more…… extreme route in order to help their regular garden visitor (Yes- it wasn’t even their own pet- Just some random fat hedgehog who occasionally entered their garden to eat a load of food they put down for it, only then for the couple to decide it’s too big,therefore must be angry and depressed).
So, like any nice sensible person would, they found a nice sensible solution for the problem- They set “The Big One” up a Crowdfunding page for other hedgepig fanatics to help out. Well they got their wish, as one sane, rational young lady felt so bad for the poor hog that she substantially ploughed her entire life savings into sending him to “private therapy”. I have no idea where they took him to, but I highly doubt the councellor gave a shit whether they were talking to a hedgehog or a human what with the amount of pennies I’ve heard they paid him/her!! However for the poor lady who contributed the majority of the generous donation, things tok a turn for the worse. She forgot she had ran up several thousand pounds worth of credit card bills (Probably to send her gerbil to anger management) and subsequently went bankrupt. I don’t know what happened after that, but it seems that “The Big One” was beyond even professional help, as he’s now apparently been diagnosed as being bipolar. I am assuming they took the poor cunt to Dr Dre or Dr Doolittle in order for this completely sane, normal conclusion to be drawn.
This is my message to his “owners”: IT IS A FUCKING HEDGEHOG- IT DOESN’T NEED THERAPY, YOU JUST NEED TO STOP FEEDING IT SO MANY MEALWORMS, YOU PAIR OF ABSOLUTE FUCKTARDS!!!! It doesn’t need to go to rehab, it needs to go on a diet!!! In fact I’d say that you and your lunatic friends are the ones who need therapy!! Fuck The Priory- take it to flippin’ Weighwatchers instead as it’s enormous!! It’s not angry, it’s just fat!! Although to be honest I wouldn’t blame it for developing mental health problems after you have body shamed it all over the internet and given it such a degrading nickname!! And……. breathe.
Best of luck Big One- ya gonna need it being in the care of these absolute fruitloops! The attached photo is probably the entire reason the poor cunt WILL start feeling insecure and angry- It’ body shaming at it’s most blatant!!