The months that followed after my ex discovered that I had been speaking out about the abuse were the most horrendous of my entire life. He became convinced that a whole load of people in our industry were talking about him behind his back (They weren’t- They were just aware I was having a hard time and were being supportive- I didn’t even name him to a few people, just told them I was having problems with an angry, unpredictable boyfriend.)
He found some mildly flirty texts between myself and one of my friends from before I was even seeing him, so he took it upon himself to send threatening emails to this poor man- Even going so far as to phone him up several times in the middle of the night to leave him nasty, threatening voicemails….. All because there were messages from him on my phone and in a couple of them, within a mundane conversation about sending me some online files, he expressed a disliking for my ex, having worked with him on a couple of occasions. My ex also took to Twitter and spouted nasty remarks towards this guy, at anyone who happened to pop up on his timeline. He claims this guy, in a text to me, called him a “fucking imbecile” …… He did actually say this, but I deem it an appropriate description!
My ex also had founds texts on my phone from one of the managers of a magazine publications company who throw award shows and parties within the industry every year. It was a perfectly banal conversation until the guy jokingly said he always thought my ex was a “bit of a weirdo” but that he’s a funny guy and he likes him. Well, my ex pretty much lot the plot at this point- He rang this poor bloke up constantly, threatening him and his company. He then had the nerve to ask if he could be on the guest list for the next awards show! Of course my friend said no, not just because he had been receiving threats, but because the guest list had genuinely shut the week before. As a result. my ex went on Twitter and made a complete idiot of himself, writing everywhere that the awards organizers were “slagging him off”. He demanded to have the email address of the senior management, then proceeded to send him various weird and threatening messages. Once, I was working in a hotel and my ex texted me to say he was coming over to spend the evening with me but “no sex and no cuddles” (Well he never gave me cuddles anyway and our sex life was usually awful and robotic- Just like being on a porn set but with even less passion displayed on his part than the guys in the films!) When he did show up he didn’t even say hello, just told me we were going out to eat (With my money of course), then all the way to the restaurant he was just going on and on about how I had been “slagging him off”…. I just kept quiet and fought back the tears.
When we got there, he demanded I call the guy from the magazine and give my ex the phone- In my confusion and high state of anxiety, I did it. All I can say is that the venom that poured out of his mouth was like nothing I had heard before. He was sneering and threatening this poor innocent man, saying to him that he knows who “the boys are” and that he’d better not mess with him. I actually cried as the things he was saying were not the words of a sane, “normal” person. That night was awful- My ex got drunk and wouldn’t stop verbally attacking me all evening. By the time I went to bed, I was too exhausted and stressed to even cry. My period came early that night from the shock and stress of the recent events.
From then on, my ex went into full psychopath mode- Phoning various people in the industry whilst clearly drunk late at night to tell them how everything I have supposedly said about him was a lie and even that I was the abusive one! He would tell them about how I had spent the night in a mental hospital, meaning I must be crazy and a liar. Luckily, no one believed him as he has a reputation for being a trouble maker and dishonest. Sadly though, a few people did distance themselves from me, as to not provoke any further harassment from my ex.
I would ring him just to try and chat, hoping that maybe he would just realise how upset he was making me, but of course he didn’t. He would demand that I give him all my friends’ phone numbers and email addresses. He also demanded a couple of their home addresses, which of course I wouldn’t give him. None of it was rational but all of it was scary. This went on for ages- He would demand that I copy & paste to him copies of every Facebook/email conversation I’d had with various people about him. Of course I wasn’t able to do all this, which he knew and would taunt me with whilst using it against me to extract more money and material goods from me- I honestly believe he got off on reducing me to a shaking, crying broken shell of a human, which is honestly how I felt most days at that point in time.
Things really slumped to an all time low when I had planned to spend Christmas with him- He refused to see me throughout December, leaving me to spend the festive period alone. My family wouldn’t let me go back to spend it with them because of the state my life was in (I don’t blame them- I honestly felt on the verge of a complete mental breakdown) and the majority of my friends were spending their time with their partners and family. My ex refused to spend it with me, and instead traveled up north somewhere to stay with his friends. He deliberately posted photos of himself with various other girls on Twitter as he knew I would be looking (Most were photos from 10 years ago, but still). I just couldn’t cope with the heartache and pain I was feeling, so I drank myself stupid for over a week, and on boxing day I collapsed exhausted and vomiting, and ended up on a drip in A&E. When I told my ex via email (As I wasn’t allowed to speak to him on the phone) he merely responded with “Sorry to hear that, I wish you well”, then (from what I remember) later in the evening he asked me to order him a takeaway.
Luckily my hospital stint made me wake up and realise that things needed to change- I needed to somehow drag myself out of the horrible emotional, financial and self destructive mess that I was in. From that day forward I got stronger and more assertive towards him -when he did finally show up in physical form a few weeks later. Of course this caused him to hate me and punish me more and more until everything came to a head and I was financially and emotionally in pieces- where there was no real option other than to allow us to both go our separate ways, before one of us ended up in jail- Or dead.