After I was discharged from A&E, I was still too weak to really leave the house, so I took a few days of bed/sofa rest to plan what I was going to do next. I knew that in order to control my alcoholism and bring it back down to a “normal” intake (which in mine and also the nurses opinion was enjoying a night of drinking with friends once/twice every few weeks) I needed to eradicate the main thing which was causing me to self destruct in this manner- My abusive partner. This task wasn’t actually too difficult, as once my mind is set on something, I always carry it through. Within two months (I know that may seem like a long time, but for my own safety and state of mind, I had to pursue it gradually) I had fully cut off all contact with him, and ignored any messages from him, which wasn’t a particularly difficult feat, seeing as the majority of them contained insights such as “u r a cunt”, “ok fuck u” or “send me pizza u twat”. The moment I decided on “No Contact” was the moment my life as I knew it began again!
The next several months were a struggle at times regarding my alcohol intake. Now and again I would binge alone, usually the afternoon after a night with friends, as “hair of the dog”…. Which obviously isn’t the most sensible idea as I would then have an even worse hangover with even less energy the following day. I soon realised this however, and rarely did it again. Moving house was a major factor as well, as I saw it as a clean slate and a complete fresh start. My new apartment was in the centre of Crawley where all the pubs and bars were, but I was just so happy to have my own safe place to create new memories in, that I rarely ever felt the urge to “go out”. I have friends locally, so once every week or so we would drink in a few bars, but this was “normal” social drinking, not self destructive bingeing! (Is “bingeing” even a word?!)
Anyhow, jump a year forward and I can happily state that my drinking habits are that of a “normal” person- Once every couple of weeks with friends/my partner suits me just fine, and I REALLY appreciate not having to deal with horrendous hangovers! I do think that being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally stable, and NOT a raging lunatic helps to an extent, as does working in a new industry which I actually enjoy and feel respected in. I am able to go to an event, drink socially and know when to stop and go to bed, which was something I’ve struggled with previously. I also enjoy a much healthier diet now, and take an assortment of daily supplements as an extra boost, as I do believe that even in such little time, I could have caused lasting damage to my body due to my addiction.
I certainly do not consider myself to have an alcohol “problem” anymore, and am actually to an extent grateful that I did have these experiences, as it has made me value my overall health a lot more. I genuinely believe that the previous few years and everything I have endured, both self inflicted and not, have ultimately helped me to become an all round better person……
……. And I’ll drink to that!!!