If you have read some of my REALLY older blogs, you will know that I used to live with the ol’ splodger that is DAVE TUBS!! He is basically, a farting, sharting bundle of beer stained tartan pyjamas- and one of my best friends within the adult industry! I moved out a couple of years ago when I could afford my own place, and recently received the sad news that he has sold the place and is moving out in June….. All the way to the other side of Bracknell. Of course he said I could come back for one final weekend of madness, and also to see his three cats- One of them being my special big fat Darcy…. And I mean this feline is REALLY fucking fat!
I met Dave at the local Weatherspoons (Keepin’ it reeeeeal classy as always) and of course we had to have a “swift one” in there before going to the house. I was so happy when he opened the door and two cats ran towards me- Tassles and Lyra. The familiar smell of the chlorine from the hot tub (Which sadly was out of action) and just the house in general hit me as I walked in (A nice smell despite the cats) and I instantly felt at home! I had a quick look round and everything was pretty much the same as when I left, then I ran upstairs to find Darcy. She was still as blank faced with the most vacant of expressions as ever, but her eyes widened when she saw me and we had a lovely cuddle 😀
I did a quick chump booking before we went out, and in classic Tubs household style, just as I was coming down the stairs to let the guy out the door, we were confronted with Darcy in the litter tray by the door taking a shit!! She properly had her arse in the air, splatting her muck like there was no tomorrow! It should have been mortifying, but to me it was hilarious- It could have been worse…. It could have been Dave taking a dump in the litter tray, and that REALLY would have something to behold! That night I went to the “Manor House” pub with Dave for a few drinks, which was really nice, as I hadn’t been there since I moved. There was lots of banter, in particular about the time I drew a huge penis on a piece of paper in Barclays back then blamed it on him. We also discussed how weird some of the people we know are, including the bloke who rang me at 1am to tell me he had taken a shit. So a lot of crap related banter took place that day…. And that was only the first day!