My Domestic Violence Story- Psychological & Emotional Abuse Part 2/2‏

Probably one of the worst incidents that took place during my abusive relationship was when myself and my ex were drinking in Hoxton Square, Shoreditch. I really did have strong feelings for him so naturally I want to look at him, right? Wrong. I was tying to catch his eye to flirt and attempt to see if he would let me show him affection- However, as always his reaction was not what I was hoping for. He told me to stop staring at him. I told him that he is my boyfriend so of course I like to look at him as I fancy him. He then mocked the way I was looking at him and when I started to get upset, he got up and walked out. He told me to get a taxi and to go back to the hotel. All because I looked at him. As we got out the taxi (Which I paid for of course- As I had done all night) I was in such a state that I didn’t shut the door properly. This sent my ex into further rage and he started being really nasty to me and calling me a cunt and various other degrading names as we walked into Tesco so he could make me buy us some champagne. I was properly in tears at this stage so he told me to go and stand in the corner until I “calm down”. Of course this just upset me more so the name calling continued, getting louder and more spiteful.

By this point a lady who was working behind the till had come over and confronted him She was saying he had seen us in the store earlier that day and that I looked miserable. Soon they were shouting at each other and security came over. My ex was sneering at the girl and shouting at me to tell her that I am the one who is mental. I was crying my eyes out with embarrassment at his performance and because I just couldn’t understand why he was always so cruel to me. He ended up being escorted back to the hotel room to take his stuff and leave, and the nice lady spent the night with me in the room as I was in such a state. I heard after the incident she lost her job- However the good news is I saw her back in the store a few months ago, so she obviously was given it back. If I do run into her again I will thank her for helping me stand up to a bully. My ex then “punished” me for this incident by not speaking to me for a week and brought it up for months afterwards, despite the fact the entire incident stemmed from me looking at him in a pub. For ages after every time I would tell him something about my day or my family, he would just snarl, “Why don’t you go and tell that to your Tesco’s friend?” This for me was one of the most horrible memories I have as an innocent person suffered because of him. However from other situations I found myself in with him and from things others have told me, many innocent people have suffered at his sociopathic hands.
There were so many more incidents where he tried to execute his complete control over me and he fully expected me to obey every word he told me. He would always accuse me of “kicking off” in public every time I got upset after he put me down. He would insult everything I cared about- He was horrible about my family and many people we work with. He called my cousin a faggot and told me that my mum is backwards because she has never been on an aeroplane.I have always had a dream of crossing over from adult work into mainstream tv/acting- I would talk to him about it and he would tell me that I am not mainstream and that I talk rubbish. He would just do anything to make me feel like shit about myself. I cried myself to sleep many nights wondering what was wrong with him and why he couldn’t just love me.
Another mean and weird thing he would do was make me stand/sit away from him in public if I “kicked off” aka questioned him or got upset when he snapped at me. I remember once at Earls Court station I was telling him a joke about the band One Direction and he barked at me to shut up as I know he hates them- I tried to explain that’s the reason I was telling him the joke, but he just told me that again, I was “kicking off”. I asked him why he was being like that and he ordered me to stand away from him and sit away from him on the tube- I could just never understand why he seemed to enjoy being so nasty. He did this a lot- I think he got some kind of twisted enjoyment from seeing me get upset- Despite him telling me many times that I was not allowed to cry around him. I tried to tell him on many occasions that maybe he should try being nicer to me, then I wouldn’t get upset, but of course I would be accused of “kicking off” and would usually be told to sit away or go away from him. He would tell me I was stupid and needed serious psychological help- Usually if I dared to answer back to him or question him. He clearly hates women who challenge him (Well to be honest, I think he just hates women full stop). He couldn’t stand it when I was sarcastic and used to dream up some pretty inventive ways to punish me for my dreadful crimes- Most involving handing over my money, the silent treatment or buying him things- This joyful topic is explored in more depth in the “Financial Abuse” posting on my blog.
Another very upsetting thing that happened was one day when I had booked us a nice hotel in Kingston to stay after I finished work- I met him at his local train station and the first thing he did was comment on how pale I was. (I am naturally very pale as is everyone in my family). I had put a classy red dress on especially for him, as I knew he liked it and I always wanted to please him. While we were on the train he kept telling me to Google spray tans in Kingston. We got to the hotel and he told me that he was going to go back home unless I got a spray tan. I told him that I didn’t want to get one that day so he responded by telling me I look like shit with no makeup and asked me, “What the fuck is that thing on your face?” (I had a small cold sore next to my mouth). I couldn’t believe he was being so mean (Although I should have believed it) and got really upset. Again he told me to go and get a spray tan else he was leaving. I told him that as my boyfriend, it shouldn’t matter to him whether I was wearing makeup or not. As I was getting pretty worked up by this stage, he decided I was “kicking off” and that I “can’t even do as I’m told”, and he left. I cried a lot as none of it made sense to me. Luckily my good friend came over to cheer me up and we went down the pub and had a good chat. The next day he acted as though nothing was wrong.
Once one of his friends invited us down the local cafe for breakfast and my ex demanded that I take off my leggings to go there. I didn’t want to as I had a bit of a cold and it wasn’t the warmest morning. He then accused me of causing a “problem” and the classic “kicking off”. He threw a massive strop because I wouldn’t take off my leggings (I have no idea why he wanted me to do this) and he told me that if he tells me to do something then I should “just do it”. He ended up staying in his bedroom whilst I went for a nice meal with his friends. He was still in a mood upon my return. He would throw tantrums at anything and everything- Seriously, trying to reason with him was about as much use as trying to reason with an ape- Although I dare say referenced simian would probably conduct itself in a more sensible, sane manner.
I could honestly write so much more about his extreme emotional and psychological abuse but I don’t want to bore you as some of it is repetitive. If you made it to the end of this post, then thank you for reading.