I have a stalker from my home town.

I really do and it is SO weird. I can only assume I went to school with this girl as her name and face seem vaguely familiar, but I don’t think she was in my year. This girl seems to have a real fascination with me, bordering on obsession! She keeps making all these fake profiles on Twitter to send me photos of croc shoes (Yes really) as apparently it was something I once tweeted about…….. Over a year ago. Plus Game Of Thrones which I enjoyed retweeting as it reminds people on my timeline that I was in it. It pissed some people I know through work off when I got picked for it, so retweeting this idiot was pretty funny. I am a cunt- I enjoy winding people up.

I am assuming she believes herself to be funny, as if she is taking the piss out of me- however what I don’t think she realises and I did point it out to her politely, but I have over 20,000 followers on Twitter and I retweeted almost everyhting she sent me. So in front of the nation she is telling me she wants to “go winky woos in a canoe” and “buy some pork scratching winky woos” (Yes this is honestly the standard of intellect from a lot of civilians in that town- I just feel sorry for my mum and nan having to live there still) So in other words, she completely embarrassed herself in front of all my friends and fans.

I was totally bored that day as I was quite ill over Christmas and New Year so I played along and replied to her tweets with a nice doseage of sarcasm and wit- Something which I didn’t expect her to understad, and she didn’t fail to disappoint. It got funnier though when my friends Andy, Paul and Cherry joined in with tweeting her- Paul is the absolute legend when it comes to patronising idiots and he sure as hell did that. It was hilarious. What baffles me themost though is that I actually think the girl in her profile picture is actually her- I mean why would you completely sHaMbLe yourself in front of 22,000 people with a close up photo of your face?! Totally weird.

I mean I knew a lot of the people I was unfortunate to breathe the same air as in school were not the sharpest tools in the box, but I didn’t expct them to be complete loony tunes. Another odd thing is that when I was living in that town I never really had any trouble from anyone- I had loads of friends and got on with most people. Oh well I guess jealousy really is a “bitch”. That or the fact the woman is actually in love with me but Ihighly doubt that.

I have attached one of the screenshots I took of this young lady’s sensational amount of conversational skills and I am about to tweet her the link. I am sure she will find it hilarious and bombard me with more of her higher knowledge. Enjoy.