Pygmy Hedgehog UK Madness Part 2- Eyeballs On Strings & Other Weird Shit

I wrote in my previous post about the crazy hedgehog fanatics in the Facebook group I innocently joined the other week- This is the follow up. I mean, it’s wonderful that they love their pets so much, but there is no need for them to get aggressive to other people over it!

I have no idea who Suzie from The Cotswolds is, but I bet she now sleeps with one eye open after being persecuted by the group for using the wrong type of sawdust for her “Snuggle Sack”. Another properly mental thing about the group is that there is a woman who literally lives her life as a hedgehog, in attempt to eel closer to her pet. She eats mealworms and sleeps in a tank whilst at all times sporting a hedgehog onesie. Seriously. Another lunatic decided to get his hog’s “quills” tattooed into his arm for some reason- However after the deed was done, he realised he couldn’t actually bend said arm as the spikes had been embedded into the crook of it. Amazing.

Something else rather unsettling was the fact that a bunch of owners made plans to boycott a pet shop in York because it had a hedgehog in a cage that they didn’t approve of. Apparently the bedding/sawdust was all wrong too and they were disgusted that the animal was left alone overnight. They also had some issue with the shop owner giving it a plastic onion, but my mind was too overloaded to read into any more weirdness. The owners were all planning to riot in the shop and steal the hedgehog whilst throwing flyers about their “correct” care all over the shop. The main lady involved claimed to have been thrown out the shop after she opened the cage and got out the hog without asking,then calling the store owner a “bloody irresponsible numpty”. Someone posted the link to the pet shop so I had a look and it appeared to be a family run business with an elderly couple as the main owners. I don’t think they would be too happy to be on the receiving end of a bunch of crazies destroying their shop for the sake of sawdust! I actually considered phoning the shop to warn them!

Last but most DEFINITELY not least, and possibly the most disturbing part of this saga is the eyeball lady. This maniac became convinced that there was a lump of shit over her hedgehog’s eye, so she tried to get out, and when she couldn’t,she took it to the “vets”. I have to question whether it was actually a professional animal doctor she took the poor cunt to, or whether it was Dr Doolittle, as the “vet” told her that the lump of shit was in fact the eyeball itself and that it had fallen out of the socket and got stuck in the hog’s fur. He told the woman to let the eyeball fall off naturally and that her pet would be fine as apparently it is totally normal for hedgehog’s eyes to randomly fall out, as of course there is nothing fucking insane about that statement whatsoever. Once the eye did in fact depart from it’s spiky owner, the woman did what any sane, normal human being would do, and attached the squidgy body part to a piece of string to wear proudly around her neck at all times from that day forward. Apparently her work colleagues now avoid her for some bizarre reason. This lady is hailed as a hero amoung the group, as well as the woman who lives life as a hog.

I have since turned off all notifications for the group as it just got far too unsettling for me, although I do still occasionally drop by to see who’s beefing who’s hedgehog, and there was a rather amusing argument the other day over Bilbo the APH’s new fruit sticks.

All for the sake of sawdust m’dear……. All for the sake of sawdust…………. P.S I really did just sit and type “Eyeball on a string” into Google to find this image.