The Poop Hoarder

As many of you who follow my social media will probably know, my latest obsession has been with the tv show “Hoarders”, which is fundamentally a showcasing of some of the most insanely disgusting houses on the planet. Whilst I am aware that hoarding can stem from mental illness, I can’t help but find some of what I’ve seen completely fucking hilarious- mainly because the clutter keepers in question just seem so damn happy, and in a few cases even PROUD of their filth!

The episode which got me hooked was about a lady called Shanna, or the “poop hoarder” as she has fondly come to be known. Here we have a woman who proudly declares to the world that she has “been eating poop for twelve years” and that she “gets high” from knowing she is consuming fecal matter. During the episode we are treated to a step by step guide as to how she shits in a bucket until it is full, and then empties the content into a slightly smaller bucket which she is able to carry outside to throw over her garden. Apparently the neighbours “have no problem” with her lobbing her excretion all over the front lawn, because they have never made an attempt to stop her. Now I know that this is mental illness in it’s finest form, but other than obviously being a few sheets short of a bog roll (quite literally) Shanna appears to be very optimistic and enthusiastic about her ever increasing hoard. In fact, when the show presenters managed to drum it into her head that she would more than likely find herself being evicted from her home should she continue slopping her mess all over it, she tells them with a knowing smile, that she understands “the party ends tomorrow” but that she “WILL get the party started one last time” by eating contaminated food. She even goes so far as to request the show do not rob her of her “last blaze of glory” (Eating soup covered in shit). The episode had a happy ending however, as Shanna was given therapy and a new home with regular check ups. The hoarder was helped and is now happy. Not sure the same could be said for the show hosts though, as I suspect a humble bucket or bowl of soup will now provoke slightly….. “different” thoughts than they’ve experienced in the past.

I could detail many more disturbing accounts of hoarders, but I think from the above descriptions, you get the general gist of what they’re all about. Although if you are feeling curious (and brave) then I recommend Googling the “rat man”, “dead cat lady” and another of my personal faves, “bloke who hoards old slices of birthday cake in his shed”….. All as self explanatory as they are fucking insane. Oh and there are plenty of clips and even the full episode about the Poop Hoarder online, should you wish to torture yourselves further,

In all seriousness though, if you suspect someone you know may be suffering from this unique condition, then you can request the assistance of “Help For Hoarders” I guess kinda like “Help For Heros”, but with less integrity.