The Hippy And The Hardrive

This is a really fucking weird and frustrating incident which took place  year or so ago now, about some idiot from the pub breaking my new laptop for no apparent reason. Well I have a friend called Tom who I go on the piss with sometimes, and one day he came with me to collect a second hand laptop I had bought for a really good deal online. The computer worked well for about a month, then started randomly turning itself off and the screen kept getting stuck. I should have expected it really as I bought the thing for next to nothing (A 2014 Acer for £50) but it was annoying all the same!

Tom told me that he knew a guy who was a “computer genius” who lived round the corner from him, who he was adamant could repair the laptop for me, free of charge. Tom has always seemed to me to be a nice, normal, emotionally stable young chap, so I assumed whoever he trusts to repair his technology would also be a nice, normal, emotionally stable young chap. Oh how wrong was I!!

I gave Tom the computer and just hung around the shopping centre while he took it to the “genius”. Twenty minutes later Tom called me, saying something had gone “a bit wrong” but that it was nothing that couldn’t be fixed. I proceeded to ask my friend whether he is sure this dude is an actual computer expert. The response was that maybe “expert/genius” was a bit of an exaggeration, however he had once worked at a computer repairs store, so all would be ok. I heard a crack in the background and some guy swearing. I started to suspect Tom may still be exaggerating to me.

Very soon after I had another phone call from a very guilty sounding Tom, asking if I could meet them at the guy’s house. I already knew at that point that I would not be returning with the laptop that day, however I at least expected to arrive to it being in one piece. Shoulda known better. I arrived at this absolute shithole where a full on biker hippy was muttering complete nonsense and throwing things round the room whilst looking really manic. I asked where was the laptop- Tom pointed at the floor. The screen was smashed in and it was blinking blue. I sighed. Tom then pointed to the table. What I believe to be the laptop’s hardrive was engulfed in a bowl of water. A small singular goldfish swam slowly around it. Tom started to speak but I told him words are pointless now, then I proceeded to go to smoke outside the flat.

Turns out this computer “genius” is actually just some guy from the pub who is good at bullshitting people. Tom’s face was as red with embarrassment as mine was with anger. In one day, this had escalated from, “He’s a computer expert” to “Well he once worked in a computer repair store” to “Well…. He’s GOT a computer”. Yeah, I wasn’t impressed to say the least. I forgave Tom as he can just be a bit silly sometimes, but I will not be giving that weird hippy any more of my technology to batter. I have no idea how it ended up in pieces with the drive in the fish bowel, but Tom assures me that my life will not benefit from knowing. I never took it any further as the guy was clearly a few fries short of a Happy Meal plus the laptop was a steal anyhow at £50!

Word of advice to anyone seeking cheap computer repairs- Avoid any pubs in Purley to express your concerns, or your trusty piece of modern technology may just end up meeting the same fate as mine did…..